So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
