He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
