At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
