so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
why is half of my head shaved?
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