Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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