I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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