I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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