If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
