Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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