Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize