Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
