i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
