My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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