i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
