We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the condom got lost in my hair
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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