Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
