I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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