I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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