They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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