I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
no, he came in my armpit
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
