We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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