Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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