Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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