I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize