My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
false alarm, still single
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
