Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
