You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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