did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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