I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
