you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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