There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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