xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize