How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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