Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
