just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
