You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
