Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
