Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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