I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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