Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
