omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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