yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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