Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize