If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
