Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
