This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's always time for handjobs
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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