I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
