So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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