she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
