I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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