just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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