her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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