Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
