he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize