A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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