all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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