Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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