Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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