you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
