Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
