This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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