Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
