Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
