you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize