dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
