Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
