Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
