You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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