you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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