were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
