So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
