Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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