operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
