she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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