Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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