Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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