we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
