i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize