i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
love makes seman taste better
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
