We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
