You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize