3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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