As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
