I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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