We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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