Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
