So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
