Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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