My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
