it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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