Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
