oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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