At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
