see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
