You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Be still, my beating vagina.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
