he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
