so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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