How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
