It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
