All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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