i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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