I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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