we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
