Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
