i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
