Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
