Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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