Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
