Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
