my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
