our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
