oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
