it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
