I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
