I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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